He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
