Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
