i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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