real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
