I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
