Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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