Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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