Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
