So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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