New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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