you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
