i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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