im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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