apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
