Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
