bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
