So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
