I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Randomize
