I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
