She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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