Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
