This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
