i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
