On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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