Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
