I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
