I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
