I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
