If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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