About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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