At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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