yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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