they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
