apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
