Plan B is the new Plan A
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
