I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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