Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
