New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
