Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
