i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
