After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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