She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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