I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
