Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
