In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
