We named our party play list daddy issues
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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