And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
