He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
