Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
