Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
