I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
