FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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