no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
